To Live Again
by Hanamaru Kurosaki
Summary: When Commander Shepard died, Joker thought he had died with her. When Cerberus brings her back to him, will he be able to finally tell her how he feels? Sorry for the bad summary, the story is a lot better! JokerXFemShep, Rated T for violence and possible language.


"No...no no no!" Jeff 'Joker' Moroe breathed, frantically pushing buttons, not paying attention to what they were or what they did. Another explosion sounded behind him, making Joker wince as if it were him getting hurt. The Normandy was his baby. It was his home, a part of him, and he didn't even know who was attacking her. It was complete and utter injustice that his Normandy would go down without even knowing her enemy. But Joker was not about to let that happen. He would do everything in his power to save the Normandy. This ship meant everything to him. Well, almost everything. Instantly Commander Shepard entered his frantic thoughts, along with a pang of sadness and fear. Was she alright? Was she hurt or stranded somewhere on the ship, unable to escape? An image of Shepard, bloody and pale, with her beautiful blue-grey eyes open wide in fear staring at nothing, death taking her, entered his mind. His blood instantly ran cold, a shiver of intensified fear and pain ran up his spine. No. He couldn't think about her that way. She would live and get through this, saving everyone on the ship while she was at it. That was how Shepard was. He forced the image out of his mind and concentrated again on saving the Normandy and getting her and everyone on board to safety.  
"Joker!" a voice called through the screams and explosions. He felt a hand gently land on his shoulder, and he turned to see a pair of beautiful blue-grey eyes staring back at him, filled with concern. Shepard. A sense of relief filled him. She seemed unhurt for the most part. She was alive.  
"Come on Joker, we have to get out of here!" Shepard was yelling over the explosions that tore through the Normandy like it was butter.  
"No! I won't abandon the Normandy! I can still save her!" Joker cried, continuing to frantically push buttons, trying to get the Normandy to do something, anything. Shepard lowered to a squat, becoming eye level with him. When she spoke, her voice was gentle, and slightly pained.  
"The Normandy's lost. Going down with the ship won't change that." At that, Joker stopped what he was doing. Whether he liked it or not, she was right.  
"Yeah...you're right. Help me up." he replied reluctantly as another explosion sounded. This one seemed so close to them, and Joker winced slightly at the shock of it. Shepard ran towards the explosion, her mouth tight with worry. Would they be able to get to safety in time? With a cry of relief and delight, she saw an escape pod unharmed by the attack. She ran back to Joker, pushing the thought out of her mind that it was the last one.  
"They're coming around for another attack!" Joker cried in disbelief as Shepard arrived by his side and began to help him out of his chair. Shepard stole a quick look and realized that he was right. She moved even quicker, accidentally grabbing him a bit harder than she meant to.  
"Ah, watch the arm!" Joker snapped halfheartedly as she hoisted him out of the chair and began to lead him towards the escape pod. Joker's eyes suddenly went wide when he realized that it was the only one.  
"Commander..." he began, panic filling him. Shepard held him tighter, an act of reassurance, but it did not help him at all.  
"It's going to be alright." Shepard breathed in his ear, easing him down in his seat.  
"B-But you-"  
"It's going to be alright, Joker. Trust me." she told him with finalty before he could finish. Suddenly, the enemy attacked, and a whole wave of explosions tore through what was left of the Normandy, throwing Shepard against the wall. She grimmanced, but did not cry out in pain, not wanting to panic Joker any more than he already was. She pressed the button to send the escape pod away to safety.  
"Commander! Shepard!" Joker cried out, attempting to undue the belts that were holding him in the pod to go and save her. He couldn't let her die. Living a life without Shepard was something that he refused to think of. It would be too awful. The door shut, and he could fell the pod blasting to safety. He finally was able to undue the belts, but it was too late. He ran to the door and pounded on it as hard as he was able, hearing the crack of his bones and feeling a terrible pain in his hand and arm. It was surely broken, but he didn't care. This was all his fault. Shepard died because he was too stupid to evacuate when he was supposed to. He deserved to be dead right now, not Shepard. Shepard, who was so kind and so good, who always cared about others, who did everything in her power to save and protect the ones she cared about, who was his best friend.  
"Shepard...no..." he breathed as he slid down the wall and onto the ground, his broken arm hanging limp on his lap. Shepard was gone. He would never get to see his commander again. No matter what she had told him earlier, he knew that it would never be alright for him again. Not without the only light in his life put out. Not without Shepard.


End file.
